God, You've Fallen from The Sky!

Photo: Mahatma Putra's Personal Archive

I used to see ‘a’ world in black and white. Yes, I was a color-blinded person. I had never seen colors before, and sometimes, especially, when the night was very dark, it was funny and dizzy to walk on the street. But I’ve changed –now I see colors in everything! Not because I’ve had an eye-surgery and replace my color-blinded eyes with some fresh-colored eyes. I had some kind of holy-dumoly-magic-water poured into my eyes, and suddenly I saw that sky’s color was not a light gray, it was blue, and my girlfriend’s nipple was pink! I thought it was very grayish, near to the white. It was my first day to see the real world.

God is great, eh? But still, I did not know what was the purpose of my new eyes, that most of the people I met, ever so often said that it was a gift from God. Then I used to reply them arrogantly yet frantically, “don’t you dare to tell me as if I don’t know what it is!”

I knew there was something more I could get from those new pair of eyes, rather than just to enjoy my girlfriend’s pink-nipples.

I have made a good and marvelous black & white picture. If you were a color-blinded person you could learn about black and white zone-system¹ easily. It only took me a month to see that a radish was in the bright white zone X, and thine dark eyes usually in the zone I. A bit archaic, isn’t it? My bad, because I will always remember, that I saw you in me for you saw me in you; such an old-school proverb. This line is for you, turnip², therefore I write it down in present. I remember that yesterday we’ve talked about it.

Since high school I’ve had already took photography courses, and then take it as my major studies in university. Now I’ve already graduated and in the search of what I was supposed to do. “I was looking for my true-self!” I said proudly that time.

People these day’s called it ‘self-searching’ or ‘self-fulfillment,’ they got that jargon from that lame shows in television, some kind of motivation program, hosted by famous motivator named Mario Tegur. Oh God thank you very very very very very much that nowadays such Messiah could teach such wisdom through television! Indirectly you are projecting yourself through astonishingly Belials form. Which is for me personally it is a finest way to introduce the Aquarian Age. I know you, God, you are all good, all evil, all of all of all of everything of everything, but sorry I could not describing you well enough, because sometimes I feel that your transcendence-ness is such an obstruction, yet it made my ways well built.

MELANKOLIK BITCH! I almost forget to tell you about imaginations. Siapa butuh imajinasi kalau kita punya televisi³ dan siapa butuh televisi kalau kita punya imajinasi⁴

I used to imagine and to dream in a monochrome motion, therefore I felt that it was affecting me so much to see everything in black and white, including the values. I used to believe in morality, of course, I’ve been raised and been told that to kill is bad, black, while to help is good, white.

Until one day I experienced and realized that morality was nothing more than a legitimate form of racism! White-black-true-false was a mark that stamped by god and goddess of the modern era.

One was always on top before they went down. Yes! Now we are celebrating the fallen of the gods! Once I was on the top of the world⁵, though my world was nothing more than a circle formed by about 808 people holding hands.

I was god! They all bowed before me. Knelled when I told them to. Until in just one ordinary day I realize that I was a god among gods. Yeah, thanks again God, you god⁶ me! Through someone’s eyes I realized that you, as a persona, were not only formed into one. You formed into a lot and lots of multiverses.

Oh dear, finally why I should walk on other god’s shoes? Once I was unique. I knew the rights and the wrongs. I knew there were structures, hierarchies, and stratus, just like the one ultimate principal in zone system, one that walk to ten. Now I should learn again how to see colors. There is nothing such as legal, illegal, beauty, handsome, ugly, Adam, Eve, health, sick, poor, rich, etcetera. There will always a color in colors. Hinduism explains it perfectly. Literal and simple. Kasta is Color.

I was wrong about my rights and wrongs that I felt much better to fool my own state of mind. To fool my eyes and said to my own ears that roses is black and the ocean is gray.

Now I’m still taking photos using an old-fashioned-manual-camera with black-and white negative rolls, for the more I saw colors the more I became more color-blinded. The more I searched, the more I lost, and the more you ignored me the closer I get⁷.

From today, I see nothing in everything.

“I’m sorry I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Sappho. I am a Lesbos.”

“So why did I do it? I could offer a million answers, all false. The truth is that I'm a bad person, but that's going to change, I'm going to change. This is the last of this sort of thing. I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm going to be just like you: the job, the family, the fucking big television, the washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electrical tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisurewear, luggage, three-piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing the gutters, getting by, looking ahead, to the day you die.”

Renton’s dead-end, Trainspotting, 1996

 

CATATAN SI PEMAKAI KHAKI:

1. Metode ukur fotografi konvensional hitam putih, gambar di bawah menjelaskan pola ukur kepekatan hitam sampai putih.

2. Personal line, yang tidak berhubungan dengan teks, yang ditujukan cuma untuk kamu.
3. Quote dari “Mars Penyembah Berhala” oleh Melankolik Bitch

4. Quote kreatif dari sahabat Fatihatul Insan Kamil Ramadhani Imama (FIKRI)
5. The Carpenters, “Top of The World”
6. Pelesetan, maksudnya: you got me! Hehehe, maaf kalo jayus.
7. Morissey!